


A Time Where You Once Hated Me

by cfitzgerald86



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, soogyu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29478918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cfitzgerald86/pseuds/cfitzgerald86
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu & Choi Soobin
Kudos: 7





	A Time Where You Once Hated Me

present. 

It's an odd atmosphere in the practice room. Rehearsal had latched on one too many hours and the room was tense of exhaustion and smelled of sweat and Yeonjun's smelly cologne he got last Christmas from Beomgyu, his favorite gift. So much loved by Yeonjun, he has already requested another present of the same perfume the next year. 

It's probably not tense to the rest of them, but Beomgyu is an exception. He is always the exception. He looks over to Kai, and observes him. He's playing a game on his Nintendo, tucked away from reality if only it be for a couple minutes to live as a real teenager; and Beomgyu thinks it's great that he is. It's the slight bit of normal Kai deserves in his youth that Beomgyu did not get at his age. He can see the expression of anger on his face in a moment. A full three sixty, from the smile latched on his face moments before. Sometimes he thinks Kai is insane. A little off his rocker- but just enough for Beomgyu to still love him sometimes. 

He looks at Taehyun, and he knows he loves Taehyun. The day he first met Taehyun was interesting day- interesting enough to conjure the two together in a life long friendship. If soulmates came in the platonic form, Taehyun would be his. Taehyun is like his other half, the only person in their little "team" who truly understands him. He loves Taehyun like a brother, one he will never want to let go. 

And speak of the devil. 

Taehyun walks over to Beomgyu just then, when the other is so deep in thought he dosent even notice Taehyun lifting him up, and complaining about his loss of weight recently and dragging him over to the sofa in the edge of the room. Maybe it's superficial to say he loves Taehyun more than anyone else in the room with them, or maybe it's just a lie. 

Silence lingers in the room... well besides the noise from Kai's game. Taehyun and Beomgyu share earbuds; listening to one of Beomgyu's favorites, from the drama Love Alarm. The song, he's not sure why he loves so much. Maybe it reminds him of something- or someone. 

Knowing the possible outcome, Beomgyu still looks over to stare at Soobin and Yeonjun. Beomgyu noticed Soobin sneaking out of the dorm late at night recently, and by the looks of bulging muscles coming from the older boy's tight sleeved shirt, Beomgyu thinks he knows why. Soobin's always been like that. He's always wanted to achieve something bigger than the last- like a never ending cycle of love and hate within himself. One moment he could be the most confident boy in the world, an international idol and a trainee who would be working his ass off in his school work after long days of practice until three am in the morning , or that simple soul who would care for his members like his own children. Soobin would still be the young boy with youth still stuck trialing behind him as he tries to dig too early into the later ages of his life. Maybe that's why Yeonjun likes to call him a grandma, but Beomgyu think's he's more like a grandpa, and Yeonjun is the grandma. 

A grandpa or not, Beomgyu has looked up to Soobin since the moment they met. A clashing bond, but one that would end up together in the deep end, that's one way to describe their relationship. Years would pass, and Beomgyu would still see the same youthful face in Soobin eyes. The boy who only wanted to become something big, a boy with big dreams in a big world. 

—

It was a Wednesday. Sunny, and weather was surprisingly enough to lighten up the whole of the trainee's. It also surprisingly rained the moment they got the news, of a new trainee. Yeonjun was not fazed and kept on working on singing, but Soobin, he was bothered. It was shocking to Yeonjun, the news of this new trainee. He had thought that it was a regular, but when he found out of the debut line up he was not upset, but more excited. For Soobin, however, that was different. 

Maybe it was jealousy, because the moment he heard this new boy was already on the debut lineup he trained so hard to get on he was enraged. Maybe that's where the hatred started, a small hatred that would turn into something wonderful. Of course, with the obstacles that would faze them- and the time that would latch on with it. 

—

You could say Beomgyu hated the PUMA choreography. By the amount of times he would complain to Taehyun and Yeonjun about the advanced level of dance and his awful high notes- the message was pretty clear. He would follow Yeonjun around when the choreography was learned, and complain to him all day about convincing the dance teacher to possibly alter the parts to be easier than they where. He would also latch onto Taehyun's arm, his only last hope to get this choreography to be altered for his own personal help, and Soobin: Soobin would not look in his direction when the camera where off anyway, so what was the point to ask him. Yet the only good that came out of these certain time of promotions, was to see Soobin in outfits funny enough for Beomgyu to tease him for centuries, if by fact their relationship becomes fixed. 

Beomgyu thought it would be funny to take out his iphone and snatch a few photos of Soobin in the god-awful ridiculous costume he was forced to wear. Maybe beomgyu would even print them out and pin them to the walls of their shared dorm. But beomgyu wasn't that cruel... well sometimes he wasn't. Soobin wouldn't think anything less of the idea. He shook his head, quickly. Professional, professional. Soobin dosent like you. Soobin dosent like you. He reminded himself as the stylist called him. 

These where time when he felt the most youthful again, because when you miss out on your teenage years, they seem to run after you later on. With Soobin, he can feel like a teenager again, even if the other boy ignores him. 

— 

"I'm sorry about him, Beomgyu." Yeonjun said to Beomgyu, leaning against the door frame as a shy Beomgyu stood in the middle of the doorway- his hair drenched with water and purple backpack in his hand, with small keychains of his favorite cartoon characters (browser and shy guy) latched on. Yeonjun thought it was cute, a quirk he would remember Beomgyu having each time he would see those characters. 

"It's alright." Beomgyu said softly, only after a few moments of silence- or of Yeonjun staring at him, with concern written on his face. The two of them only met in the least two hours ago, but they already felt close enough to be brothers. 

Beomgyu wasn't by any means short; he stood around the height of 5'9, but the first moment Yeonjun saw him, he noticed how short Beomgyu could make him body look. Beomgyu would hitch his shoulders inwards , and keep his long hair over his eyes- and when he would look up all the trainees would stare at him in awe, probably at his beauty from his long eyelashes and youthful looking face. That moment also, Soobin walked out of the room fast and his footsteps could be heard loudly, almost as if he was dramatically walking away- slamming the door on the way out. 

"He's dramatic. He's always been." Yeonjun took a towel out of his bag on his side and wiped it over Beomgyu's hair, to get out the drench. Besides, it was snowing outside and going out like this to walk over back to the dorms was like asking for a cold. Yeonjun at least that as much to know that Beomgyu would not want a cold right now, especially on the debut lineup- with his whole future on his tail in these incoming months/ 

They walked to the dorm together that night, Beomgyu with his slightly drenched hair dark hair over his eyes, shivering in the cold and Yeonjun's arm latched around his shoulder to keep the younger boy close for warmth. Maybe that was the first time Beomgyu ever felt loved in Seoul, and it was a great feeling. Being in the arms of Yeonjun, a boy who cared for him was something he thought he left back in his home town. 

— 

"Hey." 

Soobin always had an affect on people. Maybe it was his eyes, his soft gaze or his intense body language. And Beomgyu was always intimidated. It shows the vast relationship between him and Taehyun, his best friend and him and Soobin, who only seemed like a mere acquaintance. He could throw a building on Taehyun and not be ashamed, but the moment he would look at Soobin, his whole body would shake- and quiver. Beomgyu is not too sure why. Or why it was happening now. He would feel his cheeks flush up, and his heart beat hard in his chest. His hands would get clammy and he would rub them against his legs, and his eyes would feel drippy- almost as if he was high. Beomgyu does not quite know what this feeling would be, (but he would later find out it is a crush from what Taehyun would say). 

The other boy took a seat next to him on the black, slightly hard (not comfortable at all) couch, and Beomgyu took the opportunity to examine Soobin. He had on a flowy black with gray cheeta print like shirt, and black pants- with black shoes, it was quite boring than his last outfit but what else was expected of their stylists for stage outfits during their PUMA live stages. 

"Hi." He nodded back shyly, going back to reading an article on his phone about their recent comeback, and the comments about others opinions on it. The feel of Soobin's breath on his neck nearly freaked him out to death, because he jumped so much he almost fell off the couch, thankfully he was held back by a big, cold hand on the back of his neck. The contrast of warm and cold skin send a sharp shock of electricity to his body, and it was almost as it Soobin could feel this when he felt his big hand sooth against his skin up and down a few times. Beomgyu was confused. 

"Relax Beom.." Soobin placed a hand on his neck then, skimming the skin so softly it was as tender as a loving touch, once again confusing the mind of Beomgyu. Why was Soobin treating him like this, when after all the years of they knew eachother he had always kept his distance from him off the camera. 

THE DISTANCE BETWEEN US 

"I was just going to ask you something..." Soobin let go of his neck then, tracing his fingers along his shoulder as he took up off of the couch. He walked over to the door then, and walked until he turned around and smirked at Beomgyu after opening the door, and leaving the room soon after. 

What. The. Fu... dge nuggets. 

Yeonjun wouldn't want him to curse. 

But he really wanted too. 

— 

"Why would you do that?" One could cut the tension in the room with Taehyun's pocket knife. "I just don't understand..." Beomgyu's voice was frail, raw with emotion of misunderstand. His eyes where filled with tears threatening to fall onto his practice shirt which was soaked with sweat. He was upset, hurt in his heart and all around confused. His whole life he had been loved, and being hated by someone was an unknown emotions to him, because why would someone hate him so much- to pour a water bottle on him and embarrass him and take his shame and put it on the heavy platter in the middle of the room for all of the room to see. 

And then week had passed since Soobin dumped his water bottle on Beomgyu's head after practice. Soobin he, he was forced to apologize by Yeonjun, and Yeonjun was quite a scary person to Soobin. Soobin knew Yeonjun would beat him up, and was lord capable to do so. He was more scared for himself than upset at this point and this jelousy in his veins, was something he wanted to keep on but there was that feeling in his heart after seeing Beomgyu cry in front of him that told him he needed to say something, to speak up and apologize. So he took his last ounce of pride, and apologized to Beomgyu that morning at dance practice. 

"If that's all, then I'm leaving." Soobin did not want to admit that he wanted to hear Beomgyu fight back, to punch him to scream at him- anything, and would never say that he left that room with disappointment- his pride wouldn't allow that. Not only in himself, but also in the young boy he probably traumatized and his unwillingness to stand up for himself, or maybe it was for raw emotions. Maybe he felt bad for him- pity. A feeling he had felt many times in his life, but not as strong as it was now. 

— 

Seoul was a beautiful city at night, Beomgyu learned that over his time living there. Standing at the terrace now, with the cold wind passing by and blowing his hair and the sound of car's below him on the busy streets of the city, Beomgyu couldn't help but feel any further away from home. 

When he thinks of home he thinks of thick accents from his peers around him, and hugs from his mother that warmed him up when he was upset from his grades or some small friends drama. He thinks of his street food he would get late at night when he and his friends would sneak out of study hour to eat and play around on the streets and have the time of their lives- the time of teenagers lives. He thinks about the nights they would all sit on the top of a building and watch the stars- laughing when one friend of theirs would say something stupid enough for them all to laugh at the joke, enough to be hilarious. He thinks of times like these, and he realizes just how lonely he thinks he is in this city all alone, with only the people around his expecting him to become something beyond his control, even if he dosent want to admit it. 

3 years prior. 

His mother would pat down his jacket as they wait outside the area for the train station loading. People would walk around them, also saying goodbye and hello to their families leaving and departing the city. Beomgyu would look at her, his dear mother he loved so much, tears on his eyes as they fell down onto his pink from the cold cheeks. A snowflake would fall on his mother's lashes (the lashes Beomgyu got from her exactly, beautiful and full) just then, and that would be enough for him to break down and cry onto his mother's shoulder. Beomgyu knew he didn't want to leave, but now- now it was too late. 

Beomgyu thinks he's never cried more in his life, and out of every hard decision he has ever made, leaving his mother has been the hardest. 

His mother would then put her soft, small hand on his cheek to wipe some of his tears. Her pitiful, sad smile would stare up at him in a hopes to comfort him, but what good is comforting in a situation like this. His mother tried though, she would do anything for her son. Her world, and as much as it would hurt to watch him walk away from the tips of her fingertips, she knew this was the right decision to make. To see her son on the stage he had always dreamed of being on, and achieving the dreams in her honor. 

Minutes later Beomgyu would've been staring out the window at his mother as the train gets ready to leave to Seoul.He would have his hand on the cold glass of the window, crying more loud than he ever has, and people staring at him as the train would move on more and more as the silhouette of his mother would just become a simple memory. 

— 

"Choi Beomgyu!." Soobin almost yelled at him. He could feel the tension in the room- the frustration. By the looks of his members faces he knew they where upset with him also, it was not only their leader. Beomgyu felt from these expression that he had let them down, and that maybe that moment he left on the train could have avoided this all- all of this anger and disappointment. Beomgyu knew this in his heart, and his actions proved along. His moping brought on more hours of practice and cleaning than usual, and a pissed dance teacher along with those hours. "Can you just pay fucking attention?" 

Soobin's voice was harsher than he had ever heard it since they debuted. Sure, the older of the two has scolded him more times he can count, but this time it wasn't a scolding. Soobin was genuinely mad. Beomgyu, was scared. He had not heard Soobin this harsh before, and when Soobin started to walk closer to him- Beomgyu is ashamed to say he flinched. 

"Not talking, huh?" Beomgyu suddenly found the hem of his blue tye die shirt very interesting and he played along with the hem, twisting it around his fingers a few time as a short of comfort in the moment. He could hear the noise of Soobin and his expensive shoes clicking on the ground, walking over to Beomgyu who stood against the mirror. The only sound in the room was Soobin, and the quiet sniffles coming from Beomgyu's soft cries. But he did not dare look up at Soobin's upset face, he didn't want to see that look because he knew it would haunt him for the rest of his life. Call him pathetic, because he was in this moment. 

Slap. 

Beomgyu looked up then the tears clouded in his eyes threatening to spill out at every moment, (but also staying in to not show Soobin that sort of venerability) , to Soobin's fiery eyes drowned with an anger so undescrible to someone as innocent as Beomgyu staring back at him. Not a single ounce of compassion was left in Soobin's eyes- but now all he was was just a soul-less body with dark eyes. He noticed Soobin take a step closer, pulling himself to just where Beomgyu could hear him right by his left ear, his mouth close enough to him to feel Soobin's breath. 

"Fucking pathetic. That's all you are." He leaned back, and Beomgyu swears in his heart that the look just then is the most horrible look he has ever seen come from Soobin in all of the years he knew him. This was not the Soobin he knew, and from all that's happening between them, is what upset him the most. 

Still no sound was heard throughout the room besides Soobin moving around, heading towards the door of the cold and tension filled practice room. Beomgyu looked back down at his shirt and took some of the top to dry off his tears, his body too tired to even muster up the courage to look up or fight back against Soobin. It is what it had to be. Beomgyu knows this, but he also feels like this has to be something else, because with the amount of tension in the room there was enough to know Soobin had a deeper hatred towards him than just one of what had happened minutes ago. 

Yet Beomgyu knows that wasn't the Soobin he knows, even if he dosent know him well enough it seems. He's seen Soobin in his greatest, with a loving face as he takes care of Taehyun and Kai as his own children and was there for Yeonjun when his heart was broken. The Soobin who would tuck him under the covers when he was tired or soothed his back when he was crying even despite the silent understanding of dislike towards him. Soobin was not that Soobin. 

"Come on guys. Let's go home." Soobin turns to give him a look. One single glance can tell a lot of emotions, Beomgyu has learned. Soobin's glance was not soft, but something he had seen minutes ago- deep hatred. Beomgyu, for the first time in months felt truly alone, because then there was no mother to hold him close and friends to make him laugh, now he watches the rest of the members leave the room and he feels his heart sink to his stomach. Alone, and never feeling more truly sad in all of his time here. 

And when the others left the room, and as he watched them leave with his body still against the cold mirror he would notice Yeonjun's lingering eyes and silent (tall) figure standing in the doorway, almost as signaling him to go along with warm eyes and eye crinkles. Beomgyu looked up at him then, and smiled only softly to appreciate him and his efforts and thanks him silently for his compassion. Yeonjun understands Beomgyu, he always has, so he nods and probably runs to go join Taehyun in the hallway as they walk alone. 

Beomgyu dosent want to feel alone, but he does. He backs his head into the mirror of the room- and from the sadness maybe it was a little too hard because he can suddenly feel the world around him turn into a million colors around swirling in his head which all turns into white stars to solid black images. The last thing he can see is someone rushing in the room, but their face is unrecognizable to Beomgyu who has black out fully with his body suddenly falling limp against the ground, calling his name before it all goes black.

Maybe Beomgyu wishes it would stay that way- because if this was the end atleast Soobin wouldn't miss him- but only he angry. He hated himself for always thinking of Soobin first, even in the harshest moments of his life.

Beomgyu sleeps in his sunbaenims dorms that night. 

—

"Hyung... will he be okay?" His eyes flutter to the sound of Taehyun's slightly deep voice, filled with youth and worry. Beomgyu smiles only softly when he is over whelmed by emotions, a tear falling down his face because it suddenly feels like there an emotion un described when he knows that there's enough love for him here in Seoul when Yeonjun and Taehyun still love him. It's enough emotion to make him cry. Cry for his mother he left back at home only to come here and not live the happy life she wanted him to live. 

"Beomgyu... I'm sorry." He hears Yeonjun say, squeezing his hand hard enough to probably make it white. Beomgyu squeezes back with not as much force, probably from his exhaustion, and Yeonjun knows he's forgiven. Beomgyu would always forgive him. Yeonjun was his rock here, and Yeonjun knows that. 

He wants to be selfless and notice he's not alone, especially in a moment like this. But Beomgyu has never felt more alone, and maybe that's what urges him to forget this all. 

— 

"Do you ever miss home?" Kai asked him one night, after practice when everyone else was out of the room to eat tteokbokki which they ordered. The TV show they are watching in the backround swirls around Beomgyu's head but he dosent listen to a word, only to the younger boy in front of him. 

He looked over at Kai, who held his small hand tightly against his huge one and Beomgyu rested his head on Kai's shoulder, closing his eyes he would reply: "There's not a moment I don't." Kai looks over at him, concerned. 

"What about you, Kai?" He asked him, sighing softly when his mind is flooded with memories of his childhood back home, and his mother he loved so dearly. He can still see the image of his mother in front of him walking in the park, staring back in him every couple seconds to make sure he is okay. 

"Me too." Beomgyu looks at him then, and notices he's crying. He wipes a tear from the younger boys face, and smiles at him. His smile holds so many emotions, and to Kai it's enough to make him feel a little bit more okay with showing the venue ability, because after all he's only a child. 

Maybe in that moment Beomgyu dosent feel that alone anymore. 

—

It's been two months since Soobin has said a word to him- outside of work related events. 

After the incident that day, he apologized to his members, calmly. He wanted to make himself look calm and composed, to not show his raw emotions to them all and tackle down this wall that he had built up that shows his true self, emotions and insecurities that he held inside of himself. While the rest looked at him in understanding and their faces filled with pity over their sad misfortune of Beomgyu's sadness, Soobin looked at him in anger. Maybe it was time to give up on Soobin. 

Beomgyu wanted to bring himself to that reality, but deep in his heart where those deadly feelings, and Beomgyu knew himself well enough to know that even if Soobin would kill him- he would still love him. 

Call it toxic, but this is all Beomgyu knows. When he looks at Soobin he's selfish. Not only to his members, but himself. And as the years would drag on, maybe it's now Beomgyu finally realizes that small version of himself can be washed away with those feelings he has for Soobin. 

So Beomgyu starts to build himself back up, only to be crumbled down when Soobin looks at him again. 

—

"Beomgyu." Yeonjun asked him from across the table of their living room where they all ate. They where all sitting eating breakfast. Today was a day off, a rare day with no schedule or dance practices and on this rare type of day all Beomgyu wanted to do was just sleep- but knowing Yeonjun, he would want Beomgyu to work on the lyrics for Maze in the mirror. So he did. 

The whole day Beomgyu spent pouring his entire heart out into those lyrics. Before he even knew it, he read over to realize it was about Soobin.. and the love he lost when those moment Soobin would look at him with such hatred. The sad one sided love between the two of them, blinded in Soobin's eyes who only sees him as a disappointment. Maybe this song can be a closure for Beomgyu that he knows he needed, a time for him to let Soobin go. But when does that ever go as planned? 

— 

"Beomgyu, what are you thinking about?" His friend Eric asked over the phone that night when he called to let him know about his current relationship status himself. From the other side he can hear the chaos of his friends dorm, and the screams of his members as they probably chase eachother around the house. It makes Beomgyu feel almost grateful for a slightly quieter group. Eric's group was one in a constant loop of chaos, and as much as it seems fun, it makes Beomgyu incredibly jealous. 

"I don't know. How's Juyeon, by the way?" He can hear Eric's sigh and long pause. Uh oh. "Not good in guessing?" Beomgyu matches the gone to be a little bit slower, and more understanding. Of course he wouldn't want to seem happy, but to match the attitude of the situation. 

"Nothing much, Beomgyu. I just can't bring myself to say anything." Beomgyu knows this- it's happened to him on many, many occasions with Soobin. "Sometimes, Eric, it's best to let all of your emotions out. The worst you can do is hide it inside." He hears Eric's hum from the other side of the phone. Beomgyu knows this logic, but why would it be so hard to apply it to himself? Beomgyu struggles to know himself. 

"And I mean, how long has it been now... 4? 5? Years?" Beomgyu tries to make Eric laugh, because Beomgyu knows this feeling, and he would never want Eric to experience it. He knows the feeling of being smashed in your heart by the one you love, or being ignored and treated as only a mere object not needed in ones life. 

"3 years, Beomgyu. And I think I'll take you advice- and tell him. I'll call you when I see how it goes." Beomgyu nods softly, smiling from behind the screen on his side and says a 'goodnight, love you' to Eric before hanging up and falling down off the top bunk in his own sort of attempt to become some sort of spy in his own illusion, then turning off the lamp of his and Soobin's shared bedroom and climbs back up to his own bunk to snuggle into his soft comforter set and let's his eyes close. . Soobin is nowhere to be seen as he lets himself fall into deep sleep - and is probably in Yeonjun's room. 

Beomgyu thinks that night as he looks up at the ceiling of the fake glow in the dark stars. 

"Beomgyu, my love. You will always shine brighter than the stars." His mother's soft, loving voice soothes in his brain. The voice of someone he misses so dearly, the one person in this world he admires more than anything. And he realizes, maybe it's time to go home. 

— 

"Yeonjun." Taehyun's voice is alert, and worried. It's enough to wake up Yeonjun who seems to be deep in sleep. He grumbles at the younger boy and sits up, patting down his dried up, dying hair. "

"What is it Taehyun?" Yeonjun is upset, mad even. He seemed to be in a deep, soft sleep and clearly having a lovely dream enough for him to be upset with the younger boy. Taehyun speaks up netherless:

"I went to go wake up Beomgyu-hyung and he wasn't in his bed anymore." Taehyun's voice has more worry than Yeonjun has ever heard in all the years he had known Taehyun, even when he was just merely a teenager. Yeonjun sighs, and drops himself back onto the soft pillow of his bed, which makes a creaking noise. 

"It's okay, Taehyun. I talked to him last night, he will be back soon." 

—

"You are going to go back home?" Yeonjun's voice is almost silenced with sleep. But he knows Beomgyu is upset, scared evenl- so that's why he stays up to listen to him. Beomgyu nods, letting his head rest against Yeonjun's solid chest as he cries into him. Yeonjun holds his head against his own, and soothes down his overgrown hair softly with his hand to comfort him. 

Yeonjun should feel pity of Beomgyu, but all he feels is anger towards himself. 

—

From the moment he met Beomgyu, he had sworn to always take care of him. 

It was only months after they first met when Yeonjun realized how much of himself he saw in Beomgyu's youthful, passionate eyes. In beomgyu he saw himself in his most pitiful days, and his strive to be something greater through the constant hours of dancing in front of a mirror to critique oneself. The two of them, they both worked harder than anyone, and had that same shimmer in their eyes when they performed on the stage, the same passion and love for something they want. Because Beomgyu, to Yeonjun was so important to him, that he knew he would do anything for him. Their bond went beyond that sort of relationship just between members, but to the point where their love for eachother was so deep that they would do anything- wether it be dying for eachother. 

And if that means letting him go back home to Daegu, then so be it. Yeonjun knows Beomgyu like the back of his hand, and knows more about him that Beomgyu even knows himself. 

Maybe this, this opportunity for Beomgyu to go home for a while would bring back the old Beomgyu he knew. The same Beomgyu who shined bright on stage and worked harder than anyone he had ever met in his entire life, while holding his hand looking up to the stars with those same passionate eyes that would show there is nothing he can not do. That Beomgyu was not present these past months, and Yeonjun wants him back. The same Beomgyu he knew, and if risking it all would bring this boy back, Yeonjun would risk the world. 

—

To Beomgyu, arriving at the same train track he departed from years and years ago was nostalgic to him like no other thing in his entire life, he feels his heart sweep when he looks at the train approaching the station. He texts Yeonjun to notify him of a safe arrival, and then shuts off his phone, for good atleast for a couple of days. 

It's strange that he feels like he can almost see the silhouette of himself walking away from his mother in his memories with tears on his face and his mother's. He's knows it's his imagination, but the feeling is so real it feels like it's pumping through his veins. 

He sees the white almost ghost like silhouette of his youthful self and can only think of the changes he has made. He wonders, if he just had ran back into his mother's arms and abandoned all of his dreams, what would his life be like? Would he be here, would he be upset. Would he had never met Soobin, or understood what love felt life even if it is not returned by the other. Or the love towards Yeonjun he has that would have never been there, or the advice he gave Beomgyu as an older brother like figure and the warm feeling he gets when he cuddles him tight when he's cold, or the true love feeling that Soobin gives him and the heating of his cheeks when he sees Soobin all dressed up, or when he dances and is all sweaty. Beomgyu wonders, that if he didn't walk away from his mother that day the most love he had ever felt beyond his mother would never be returned. 

Maybe it's a good thing, but the reality sets on him of all the relationships he has made from just walking onto that train. Maybe he's grateful he borded on the train that cold day, and that he left his mother. Fait works in crazy ways, and to Beomgyu fait worked in a favor blessing but also a deep curse. 

—

"He's beautiful isn't he, Tyun... I don't think I've seen any trainee here with that kind of natural beauty." From the very moment Beomgyu walked into the BIGHIT building he has already caught the eyes of everyone he passed. The people would watch him as he walked down the hallways, and whisper among each other. 

"He is. How are we even supposed to compete.." Taehyun would reply to Yeonjun, the two of them leaning against the practice room's cold wall as they watched the brown haired angel like boy sit alone in the corner and massage his muscles from the long day of practice with a cold ice pack. 

Taehyun got an idea suddenly almost as if his head light up and tapped on Yeonjun side of his stomach quickly. Yeonjun would look at him then, annoyed. "What is it?" His eyes closed again, and he leaned against the wall again. Taehyun persisted. ""let's talk to him." 

Yeonjun looked at Taehyun with confused eyes, because that Taehyun he knew to be shy wanted to talk to someone unfamiliar, and Yeonjun looked at Taehyun who looked like an excited puppy, then back to Beomgyu, then Taehyun again. He nodded softly, because he knows Taehyun, and he wouldn't take no for an answer. He never has.

They approached Beomgyu while the rest of the trainees in the room stared at them. Beomgyu noticed them. He took out his earbuds and the ice pack off of his shoulder and let his eyes settle on the two boys who came to sit down (cross cross apple sauce) in front of him, bright smiles on their faces. 

"I'm Yeonjun. Choi Yeonjun. This is Taehyun." Yeonjun smiled at Beomgyu, who's face still sat still for a couple moments. He seemed almost like a doll, his features almost perfect and his complexion beautiful and bare. 

"Kang Taehyun, it's nice to meet you." Beomgyu finally smiled then, and Yeonjun swore he saw an angel when Beomgyu smiled brightly up at them with star gazed eyes and soft blush on his cheeks. His large round eyes and soft overgrown brown hair and adorable expression. Maybe this is the moment they knew their relationship would be special. 

— 

Beomgyu now stands at the front of his old home. He can faintly smell the bread his mom must be making from the outside of the door. The wreaths from the holidays still lay on the door, more than likely because his mother wouldn't want to take down her decorations so soon. He knows his mother, knows she loves to savor the holidays he loved so much. His house beyond still looked the same with the same white outside apparence and the same tree they had put into the yard when he was young, and now it was bigger and full of live. Beomgyu only hopes to be like that tree, and so did his mother. She once said to him: 

"This tree will be like you Beomgyu, it will blossom and bloom in many beautiful ways." 

Besides his debut date, Beomgyu has never been more nervous than he is now to see his mother again in many years.What a waste it would be though to travel all the way here from Seoul just to go back to the dorms and back to the daily life he so badly needed a break from so he collected all of his courage and he knocked on the door of his home. 

And when his mother opened the door, she dropped all of the buns she must have been making in her hands onto the cold stone ground, in shock. 

— 

"Why did you come home, Beomgyu?" His mother asked softly, her voice still as lovely and compassionate, just as he remembered. Her hands in Beomgyu's own and her face still warm looking and soft. Her eyes so youthful and lovely, and just enough to make Beomgyu feel like a child again. 

"I missed you mom." His mother held his hands tight, and stared at him for a couple seconds with her eyes right in his, Beomgyu almost worried when she didn't blink. She examined him, his expressions so similar to hers he knew it was a lost cause, he could not hide from his mother. She swiped her soft hand over his over brown bangs to see his eyes, and smiled softly. 

"I missed you too, my baby." Beomgyu fell into his mother's arms then, and let out the tears he didn't know he had be holding in this entire journey here. His mother, as understanding as she always was just held him and soothed his back with no questions or confusion, just held him close just like how he needed. 

Beomgyu spent hours crying in his mother's eyes that night on the sofa of his old living room that still smelled like pine and snow, not wanting to go back to Seoul and face the reality that would come from going back, and seeing Soobin's face and his expression or lack of face from the ignorance towards him. Beomgyu never wanted to face the idea of failing in something so big, not only to himself but failing the members and his mother who believed in him so much. 

For once, Beomgyu feels like his dreams are slowing slipping from his fingertips, and maybe just maybe he didn't deserve it. Venerable, and ashamed. Two things he had never wanted to feel stepping onto that train to Seoul all those years ago when he was youthful and filled to the brim of his dreams. 

— 

Of course it's snowing in Seoul when he returns, the winter sky is shredding tears of cold as Taehyun likes to say. The windows of the train are just as cold as they where when he arrived, there's ice on the outside of them and on the inside lays the condensation where he can draw on. He writes his name, and a small message to never give up on the window. He knows it will disappear, but Beomgyu feels like the moment he does that he accepts the fate he brought upon himself, and the retreats he has accepting it. 

It seems like he had gone in a complete circle, except this time, riding on the train to Seoul he is not the same young Beomgyu with big dreams and shining with stars eyes. He was the Beomgyu with short thoughts only filled with discourage and sadness, and disappointment from the one love who will never see him in the same light. 

— 

"Has someone hurt you?" Beomgyu stilled in his mother's arms, as she continued to trail her fingers through his soft hair and soothing him as she spoke with her soft voice. "Yes and no." Beomgyu replied, his body slumped and shivering from cold or sadness- Beomgyu dosent know. He sighed soft, but through the feeling of his body and the shivers he was contracting, his mother knew it was much more serious than she initially thought the problem to be. 

"I can't help you much if you don't tell me, but always remember one thing." His mother let go of him then, and pulled him out by his shoulders to keep a distance between the two of them, so his mother could talk with him looking in her eyes. "Anything that makes you upset is not worth fighting for." 

— 

He hadn't expected to see Yeonjun waiting at the station for him when he returned to Seoul. Yeonjun was dressed as always, with a long black coat and some name brand shirt that was probably over 400 dollars. Yeonjun was always like that, fashion forward and such. It's one thing Beomgyu and him have in common like the million of other things. 

And despite his apparence, Yeonjun could be the most surprising person Beomgyu has ever met. Yeonjun may look more intimidating, even attractive is Beomgyu must say- so much people would be scared of him but Beomgyu's Yeonjun was the most soft person he had ever met, with the biggest heart and the greatest amount of determination he had ever known. Beomgyu truly admired Yeonjun. When Yeonjun ran towards him then, trapping his head in a headlock between his neck and shoulder, Beomgyu smiled, because he missed Yeonjun and didn't even realize he did until he saw him again. A couple days was all it was, but it was enough to miss your apple to your eye. 

"Oh my little bear, I missed you so much." Beomgyu leaned into the hug, letting his arms latch around Yeonjun's neck. It wasn't too hard since Yeonjun was only inches taller than him, their height something they always fought over. Some nights they would stay up until 1am fighting over who was taller, and eventually dragged Taehyun out of his bed to see what the bickering was about, and Taehyun always chose Beomgyu (when threatened of course). 

As Yeonjun cried in his shoulder, Beomgyu let him stay there and be as dramatic as he always was, because all above it was quite humorous to see Yeonjun dramatically crying as if he had died and came back from heaven. Yet Yeonjun stayed and cried real tears (Beomgyu knew from the feeling of a soaked wet shirt) as he looked around the station, he noticed the fit figure of a over average tall man by the exit. Beomgyu knew it was Soobin, his eyes held the same intensity as always. Yet Beomgyu could never look him truly into the eye, because he was pathetic, and doing something as simply as looking at Soobin was hard for him now. 

Soobin had his eyes on Yeonjun and Beomgyu- and his state static; face blank. But then he would notice Beomgyu looking around his area, but not right at him and sigh just to go back on his phone. 

—

Taehyun was the first to attack him when they got back to the dorm. He basically knocked Beomgyu over with his force, then apologized quickly when he noticed he had been too strong (probably from his recent workouts) yet Beomgyu shrugged it off and smiled softly up at Taehyun who stood up to brush himself off from his spot laying on the ground

Behind him the door opened again, opening to Yeonjun and Soobin. Soobin would walk straight past Beomgyu and into their dorm, while Yeonjun walked to Beomgyu (who was still on the ground) and Taehyun smiling at the two younger boys. He looked down at Beomgyu, holding out his hand to lift his up, and steady him on the ground. 

Yeonjun then ruffled Beomgyu's soft hair, "Do you want anything to eat?" Yeonjun asked, wrapping his arm around Beomgyu's less broad shoulders with force. Dang, Beomgyu though, both Yeonjun and Taehyun must have been working out more recently. 

"Just a melona bar, Hyung." Yeonjun smiled at him, and let go: dragging Taehyun along with him to their small dorm kitchen where the lights where off. Saying nothing, Beomgyu still smiled softly, as if almost in a daze and decided to go drop off his suitcase in his room where he had not been in days. 

Soobin was in the room when he entered, but Beomgyu chose to make no noise coming in. Soobin seemed to be sleeping on his bunk, with his phone still in his hands and looking as if in an uncomfortable position with no blanket to shield him from the cold, his head uncomfortably the wrong way and his hands on the edge of the bed. 

Beomgyu, taking all of his courage and gulping, walked over to the bottom bunk and kneeled on the ground next to Soobin's bed (where he would probably get rug burn on his knees, but it was worth it) tracing his fingertips along Soobin's brows and soft cheeks. It stirred the taller boy who was seemingly deep in sleep, but wasn't enough noise or touch wake him up. 

Beomgyu took a deep breathe in relief and then raked his hands through Soobin's recently dyed original black hair, which was only soft for a boy who would dye his hair multiple times a year, surprising. He starred down at Soobin's face, and realized something he had truly never looked at before. He knew this though, but the idea of seeing Soobin so close, psychically he had never felt like this before. 

Soobin was handsome. But not just in a friend kind of way to Beomgyu, Soobin was so handsome that Beomgyu wanted Soobin's big hands to hold his face as he kissed him deep and lovingly until he couldn't feel his lips anymore from the swolleness and he couldn't talk from being so flustered. Sure, Beomgyu knew he liked Soobin, but this was different- this was something even more. 

Before he could even register his thoughts, a hand slapped around Beomgyu thin waist and pulled him into the bed: right in Soobin's hard chest (once again, he must be working out more). He felt the soft blanket underneath him and Soobin, so he reached for the blanket to put it over them but there was a stir in Soobin's sleep, and a harsher gripping of a hand on his waist.

Beomgyu had a weird feeling. From the pits of his stomach to the top of his throat. He wanted to sit there, as Soobin hugged him for the rest of his life. Reality, though, is a scary thing. Beomgyu would never feel that. 

Soobin hates him. He always will. 

There's a knock on the door. 

"Beom? Come out and watch Spongebob with us and eat your melona bar!" Yeonjun's voice, laced with what Beomgyu thinks is exhaustion from the day but also that little ounce of energy is enough to make it high pitched, and the energy he used into knocking was enough to wake up the man holding him from his sleep. 

Soobin shocked face drained into Beomgyu's eyes, and would become a sight a Beomgyu would never forget. His eyes looked wide, and his cheeks tapped with a little bit of pink. His eyes colored dark and almost deadly, and his hand still pinned hard against Beomgyu's thin waist and he stared right back in his eyes. Soobin made no effort to let go of his waist until Beomgyu peeled his hand off. 

Beomgyu quickly jumped out of Soobin's arms, looking at the other boy only for a split second to see his expression, one that was almost upset? but more tired. So when Soobin finally closed his eyes again, he put the blanket on top of him. Beomgyu then let himself finally move and ran out of the room as fast as his legs could take him to a laughing Yeonjun, who just put his strong around around Beomgyu's shoulder as they walked to go sit on the sofa . 

As they walked out of the room, Beomgyu looked back over his shoulder at Soobin to see his eyes open and his expression complexed. It was almost unreadable. His brows tight together and his fights clenched on his side, white even. 

Beomgyu takes no mind to it, because he's oblivious as always. 

—

"Why are you even on the debut lineup. You can't keep up with us." Its a hot day, and the air conditioning is out in the building. Everyone is on edge, and then the emotions come draining out. 

"Why do you say that Soobin..." Beomgyu wouldn't use honor glyphs, Soobin would become even more mad. A pathetic boy who only made their team because of how beautiful he was is all Soobin saw of Beomgyu, he didn't see his incredibly writing skills or his dance or singing. Soobin paid no mind. 

"All you are is a pretty face." Beomgyu's heart shattered with the glass vase Soobin broke as he walked out of the room in frustration that day. The day he would always remember, the day he sweated so much he could differentiate his tears with sweat. 

— 

"Your hair looks like Cotton Candy, hyung." Beomgyu laughs on the sofa he is sitting on currently, with a very annoyed Choi Yeonjun next to him- but Beomgyu being Beomgyu manages to bring him happiness after all. Maybe that's just the affect Beomgyu has on people. 

Yeonjun laughs softly as Beomgyu lays his head on the oldest's broad shoulders. Maybe a couple minute nap would be enough for him to truly rest his head from the daily hectic schedule and constant people. Yeonjun softly starts to play with Beomgyu's hair, twisting and braiding it. Beomgyu laughs, then collapses on him- finally falling asleep. 

The scent is different than Yeonjun's when he wakes up. It's more of a manly scent, pine maybe and less of the vanilla scent Yeonjun likes to wear. The shoulder is also softer, less boney and muscular. He then realizes a head is rested on top of his also, soft black hair comes into his vision. 

The final straw of his tiredness and half awaken ness is the loud sound of a click of a photo being taken. He opens his eyes to see Taehyun taking a photo of him and... 

He looks to see it's Soobin resting his head on his own. 

Him and Soobin. 

—

"Where did this strawberry milk come from?" Beomgyu laughs with Yeonjun as they sit in the corner of the trainees dance room at a random joke that Beomgyu had said only seconds ago before he noticed the strawberry milk with his name on it. Yeonjun shrugs and keeps on playing his game on his phone. 

There's a sticky note on the bottle, it says

"Never give up." 

It's simple but it's enough to make Beomgyu smile, and that smile is enough to make Soobin smile from across the room - as he watches Beomgyu confused but netherless happy and smiling about his present. 

Maybe this is where it all starts for Soobin. 

—

Weekly idol. They go on that show every comeback. It's fun- only when the hosts aren't too over bearing on their private lives. 

Soobin's outfit looks so boyfriend-material Beomgyu almost screams: while he was dressed in some cut off sweater that almost looks like it came from a trash man, but in Yeonjun's words the sweater is a "statement of fashion, Beomgyu. Not like you would know anything about that." He would usually slap Yeonjun. 

Yeonjun of course, laughs as he watches Beomgyu's eyes trail on Soobin. He knows Beomgyu- and his little crush on Soobin. It had happened months ago when he told him. 

—

"I like someone." Beomgyu and Yeonjun are sitting on Beomgyu's top bunk. The rest of the group went out to eat for dinner. The two of them stayed behind practicing and decided to come back to the dorm after, and that's how they ended up here- talking about the biggest secret of Beomgyu's life. 

"Who? Tell me!" Yeonjun is anxious, Beomgyu knows he is. He finds it funny, to keep Yeonjun this way. So he sits for a couple moments, scratching his chin. Yeonjun sighs dramatically, because the anticipation was too much for his poor soul, so okay. Maybe it was time to tell him. 

"It's Soobin... I like him... but it's hard because I know he dosent like me." Beomgyu sighed even more dramatically, and let his head fall in Yeonjun's lap on his hard thighs. Yeonjun chuckled, stringing his long fingers through Beomgyu's overgrown, shaggy hair. 

"Why couldnt I just like you instead... wait never-mind that's gross." Yeonjun laughs, and slaps Beomgyu's chest, because maybe he's a little annoyed that Beomgyu made a grossed out sound at the idea of liking him, but he also understands the feeling. Yet he slaps him lightly enough to not hurt him, because to Yeonjun Beomgyu is his precious gem, his younger self and someone he would vow to never hurt, even if it's over something silly like their conversation now. Then Yeonjun finally speaks up suddenly about a couple moments of silence besides Beomgyu's soft sighing. 

"I wouldn't say he hates you. Maybe he's had a change of heart." At that statement, Beomgyu's eyes light up like Yeonjun hadn't seen them since their debut day. There he is, the Beomgyu he knows and loves. 

—

It's even more shocking when Beomgyu chooses Soobin as the person for the relationship question on their episode of Weekly Ifol. Of course he covers it up with who would be best for his sister, but both him and Yeonjun (and Taehyun) know that's a blatant lie from the lips of a slithery serpent liar like beomgyu. It's enough to make Yeonjun chuckle under his breath, hopefully not catching the attention of any people or microphones. 

Yet for Beomgyu all he sees is when Soobin smiles up at him. Maybe that gives Beomgyu a little bit of hope. 

—

On the way home that night, Beomgyu goes to the very back of the large car to the seat next to Soobin, where the older always sits alone usually. Usually Soobin would refuse anyone to sit there with him, but when Beomgyu sat there no words where spoken. It's more shocking to Beomgyu when Soobin takes his head against his strong hair and lays it on his broad shoulder. It's strange and Beomgyu can feel the confusion and need for talk in the air, and maybe they should do this talk. But it feels right in the moment, so Beomgyu makes no complaints. 

The complaining Yeonjun does as he follows Beomgyu around the dorm later that night for any source of information or drama from the day makes Beomgyu want to bang his head against the wall. The only thing stopping him from doing that is Soobin's eyes staring at him, and his mouth slightly turning up into a smirk. 

—

"He's beautiful, isn't he." Yeonjun taps his friends shoulder. Soobin looks up from his phone then to look at this person Yeonjun is talking about. 

He's slightly shorter than Yeonjun, with a mop of black hair covering most of his face. The boys skin is beautiful as snow, and highlighted well from the sun shining through the window of the room. His eyelashes are so long, Soobin can even see the outline from across the room. He stands with his hands tied into eachother, and his stance makes him shrink to look even smaller. 

He's wearing a soft white cardigan, with bears printed all over it. He has on black shorts, with some pair of bulky white shoes. Soobin follows his eyes as he looks around the room, waving occasionally to people who talk to him. 

Soobin then noticed the smile he had. That's one of the first things Soobin ever noticed, how wide and powerful Beomgyu's smile was. He would come to know Beomgyu as the boy who would light up a room of tears with a single smile, and this would be a reason leading to his everlasting love for Beomgyu- a scary journey it would be, but powerful enough to move an ocean. 

That's how Beomgyu was to Soobin, and even from that very first moment Soobin saw him in the practice room, he knew there was something about Beomgyu. He just didn't know what. 

Cowardly. That's what Yeonjun would call Soobin. He hid his feelings wrongly, and hurt Beomgyu in the process. Yeonjun calls Beomgyu an angel for forgiving him, but Beomgyu just knows this is all because he's seen the change in people before, and the blindness one can have by various ideas of coward ness. So yes, Beomgyu would also call Soobin a coward- but less unironically than Yeonjun. 

— 

"Hyung, I missed you. Come play Uno with me?" Kai's voice was like a rainbow on a stormy day, a cherry on top of a milkshake, and apple to keep the doctor away. Beomgyu had never met anyone like Kai- not just in looks but also in personality. 

When he first met Kai, he was scared of him. Yet, there was something about it the way the younger boy made him also feel younger, and brought out this youthful side of him he had never seen, and it was enough for Beomgyu to feel venerable- but also valuable. 

"Of course Kai, let me go grab a melona bar, okay?" Kai nodded to him softly, then skipped over to their dining room table where he sorted the cards. Beomgyu admired him- so full of life and happy. He wondered if he could ever be like Kai- and didn't have to hide these emotions killing him inside out. Oh to be happy and confident, and not like a burden. 

Beomgyu sighs, and in the process smashing his head on the fridge door in all of his pathetic glory. Ouch. Is the only thing he would say, before a hand pressed onto his forehead, a big hand. Looking up then, he would see the face of Soobin, who's hair was recently dyed black again. Handsome. 

Beomgyu didn't know what to say, and just stared at Soobin. He didn't expect the latter to stare rigjt back at him, also in a gaze. Their staring contest (?) was only interrupted then by a loud Kai who ran into the kitchen to see what was wrong. 

"Beomgyu-hyung! Hurry up!" He came into the room see Soobin's hand on Beomgyu's head. A suspicious pose for people who supposedly hated eachother. Kai smirked as he watched the two with intense eyes.

When Beomgyu finally remembered where he was, he quickly looked up at Soobin- to see the latter a handsome face with no void of emotions at all- blank. He then ran to the living room where he sat to wait for Kai to come. 

What he didn't know was Kai was practically interrogating Soobin in the kitchen at the same moment. 

— 

"Are you ever going to do something, Beomgyu?" Taehyun's words ring through his ears like loud drums, he replies, "Taehyun.. you know how complicated things are." Taehyun sighs, his feet are sounded pacing back and forth around his roof. 

Taehyun stops suddenly in front of Soobin's bottom bunk in the room (which is vacant) and looks up to Beomgyu who sits at his top bunk with his head in between his knees, which are against his stomach. Taehyun snaps his fingers as an idea pops in his head. 

"Flirt with him." Beomgyu jumps up out of his gaze and stares at Taehyun, shocked. He quickly shakes his head and looks away, to put his head against his knees again. Taehyun speaks up: 

"No no no Beomgyu, maybe this is a way to see if he truly hates you or not!" As much as his plan is attracting Beomgyu, he knows what that in the depth of his heart that Soobin dosent like him, as much as he wants to convince himself that's not true. Taehyun's words are convincing, but not enough. 

"Beomgyu.. it's time you learn the truth. Do it subtly at first, I'll help you." Beomgyu sighs. A few seconds he is silent, as he listens to Taehyun's voice in the backround but clouded by his own thoughts. His wind swirls in a million different directions, and those million different outcomes possible to happen with this plan of Taehyun's, yet he dosent notice his best friends calling his name until he feels Taehyun lean his head on his shoulder, and a loud sigh coming from his mouth. 

"You are right Taehyun." Beomgyu lays his own head on top of the blondes, and laces their fingers together in his lap. Taehyun stares at him for a moment, but then lays his head back on Beomgyu's shoulder. "So you will do it?" Taehyun says softly, and feels Beomgyu's nod against his head. 

Taehyun smiles because he knows this is the right decision, and maybe this will be a final closing for Beomgyu and his feeling towards Soobin, the one who seemingly always hated him. Taehyun knows it's heartbreaking, but he also knows he would do anything for the happiness of his best friend. 

— START ADDING ON MORE FROM DOWN HERE ON (THIS IS JUST A DRAFT) 

1\. The First Time We Flirted 

Sure, Beomgyu has flirted with Soobin many times before, for the camera of course. The fan service, something Beomgyu is so used to, was always something to him that was different than to Soobin. To Soobin, fan service was something needed to do. To beomgyu, it seemed all to real to him that it hurt to know it was all an act. 

According to Taehyun's plan, he should strike now. They are waiting for stage, and Soobin is getting his hair styled by the stylist (who kind of scared Beomgyu), and in the corner of his eye he can see Taehyun laughing at him and moving his body towards Soobin, a signal. 

Beomgyu stares at him for a few moments, actually less like a stare and more like a glare. He wasn't mad at Taehyun per say- no he was more mad at himself for accepting this help from his best friend who has never had a partner in their life, so what good is Taehyun's advice, but who knows? 

Beomgyu finally gives in after Taehyun continues to glare back at him for a few minutes. Beomgyu has given up at this point, so he slowly but surely starts to menover his way over to the chair where Soobin sits getting his hair done. He notices in the mirror that Soobin's eyes are on him, confused. 

"This was an awful idea, Taehyun!" Beomgyu shouts from the hallway of their dorm. Yeonjun, Beomgyu and Taehyun where the only ones who went back to the dorm early, the other two going out for ramen. Yet the absence of the other members didn't change much, it was still as loud as ever with Yeonjun and Beomgyu under the same roof- poor Taehyun. 

"Try again, Beomgyu. It might work next time." Taehyun says from his place on the table, where he sits with his earbuds in one of his ears (his right ear) the left ear open just to laugh at Beomgyu's complains as his second form of entertainment besides the lousy drama he is watching that Heesung recommended. 

Taehyun only blinks once and then suddenly sees a scary looking man (Beomgyu) running towards him at all of his force on his skinny legs towards him at the table. The look on his face screams "I-am- going- to- you". 

"That's Beomgyu-Hyung to you, you little shit!" Beomgyu pounces on Taehyun quickly like he is prey and tips over his chair to where they both fall over onto the ground loudly which is enough to bring a worried Yeonjun out of the kitchen with tongs in his hands. He notices the situation with the two on the ground, and instead of helping starts laughing. 

Taehyun takes the chance where Beomgyu is looking away to pinch his ear hard, and drags him up off the ground and over to the hallway guiding to his dorm. 

"Ah-Ah Yeonjun-hyung! Help! Taehyun is pulling me by my ear!" They reach the front of his door, but Taehyun does not let go. 

"Taehyun, stop." Yet Yeonjun laughs anyway, even after telling the younger to stop- he still does it. After a minute of Beomgyu's cries he finally stops. And with a dramatic stomp and sigh, beomgyu goes into his room. 

"I hate you both!" Beomgyu smashes his door to be just a tad bit extra and leans down on it on the inside of his room- then sighs, burying his head into his knees. 

— 

2\. The Second Time (I Flirted) With You 

"Soobin?" Promotions. Beomgyu's least favorite time of the comeback schedule: he does not like the constant performing. Maybe all Beomgyu wants to do is sit in his bed all day and watch dramas with Soobin hugging him close, but he will never admit that to anyone (or himself). 

"Yes, Beomgyu?" Soobin replies, but dosent look up from his phone where he seems to be writing a text, probably to one of the other members who are late getting their snacks. 

"Do you have a kite?" Soobin dosent even seen the slightest bit dazed, because Beongyu tends to do this a lot- asking random things. Soobin is used to it, and when Beomgyu asks him for kite in the middle of nowhere, Soobin pays no mind. This makes Beomgyu mad though, he huffs and falls back into the soft sofa with his arms crossed over his chest. The scratching from his stage outfit is uncomfortable though. 

"No Beomgyu, go ask Taehyun." Soobin starts to leave the room. Beomgyu freaks out. He stands up quicker than a mouse and runs over to Soobin and grabs his arm, turning him around to look up slightly at him, his cheeks covered in blush. Beomgyu is embrassrd. 

"Wait, wait, Soobin!" He says, then straches his ear. A habit he says when he is nervous and Soobin knows that, he smiles. 

But when Beomgyu looks back up at him, he looks back at Beomgyu, waiting for him to say something. 

"Cause you blow me away?" Beomgyu says shyly, holding onto the hem of the bottom of his shirt which tears a little at his dry fingers, and only stares up at Soobin's eyes after a moment of silence to see his reaction. 

Soobin just laughs, and leaves the room then, leaving Beomgyu standing still like a statue in the middle of the room, with his eyes wide and his palms sweaty. When the realization kicks in though, Beomgyu lets out a noticeable sigh. 

"Maybe it was a stupid pick up line like Yeonjun said..." he whispers under his breath and falls back onto the sofa, closing his eyes to get a little bit of sleep before they go on stage. 

"No, it was cute" Soobin says from the other side of the door, but Beomgyu does not hear it. Taehyun does though, as he's walking into the room with their snacks, and laughs while walking by making sure that Soobin hears his words saying: stupid ass and that's enough to make Soobin start chasing him down the hallway. 

3\. This Seems Like a Lost Cause The Third Time Around (Or Maybe Not?) 

Soobin sits alone in his studio, writing down various words that come to his mind. It's strange for him to think about Beomgyu when he sees these visions in his head, and writes them down like the beautiful lyrics on paper. He sees Beomgyu smiling up at him, and writes down about brightness or sees Beomgyu sad, and writes about the worry he brings him. Soobin wonders, if all the songs he has written where about Beomgyu, and he never noticed it. 

There's a knock on his door, and when Soobin ignores it there's another softer one. Then after a few moments there's a soft voice: 

"Soobinnie?" Soobin freezes in his seat, his hands clenching hard against his seat handles to the point where his hands turn white. His eyes close as he takes a deep breath, and stands up out of the chair to open the door. 

Beomgyu is on the other side. His hair all messy from his extra dance hours and his shirt so oversized it hangs over his shoulder, showing his soft skin on display for Soobin to take in. Beomgyu looks up at him, his smile as bright as the shining stars that night, Soobin can't help but smile back at him. 

Beomgyu then slips into the room slyly, and runs over to the sofa, dropping on it harshly. "Oh shit! That hurt! 

"Beomgyu? Are you okay?" Soobin swears he he never ran so fast in his 20 years on earth, and when he gets to Beomgyu he notices then the smirk on the youngers face. 

"You tricked me." 

"Of course I did." Beomgyu smiles cheekily and laughs, showing off his beautiful smile and pearl white teeth for Beongyu to admire. He notices the soft blush on his cheeks and the light freckles that lay around his nose: so small only people close could see. His hair is over his eyes, covering them so Soobin moves it out of his eyes, and looks into them then. 

He dosent know how it happened- or why. But he felt himself best to around his neck and his face when he looked at Beomgyu- so close to him. Beomgyu smiled softly as he noticed, and started to drag his finger along Soobin's neck sending a million signals to Soobin in the moment, his heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest and his stomach drop. And today, Soobin felt brave. 

"Kiss me." 

"Huh?" Beomgyu kept his fingers on Soobin's neck, and used the other to drag into his hair and stroke it softly. He noticed the smile threatening to latch onto his lips, and also the darker blush that just spread. 

"Kiss me, Beomgyu." Soobin says again, and he swears he's long gone because he dosent want to listen to Beomgyu keep talking, all he can focus on his Beomgyu's soft looking lips and adorable expression as he tugs on his hair with a soft smile on the side of his lips. 

"Soobin, no time for jokes in playing my game!" But lips on his own beat him too it. He can hear the church bells ringing in his head (not really, he's just over dramatic). 

It's sort of magical, as cliche as that sounds but Beomgyu feels like he's walking on clouds. His heart thumps so loud he swears that Soobin can hear him when he laughs into his mouth before kissing him deeper. His hands are now on Soobin's chest, the confidence leaving his body once he is suddenly kissed by the person he loves. It's dramatic, very dramatic. As Soobin puts Beomgyu on his legs while sitting straight up on the sofa with his arms around Beomgyu's waist pinching at his soft milky skin softly and his nose crashing into Beomgyu's while he kisses him so deeply it's hard to breath, but Soobin likes it that way. He likes to hear the whines Beomgyu let's out in satisfaction and he knows his feelings are shared, and that's enough for him to kiss Beomgyu harder (if that's even possible). But there's a knock on the door that stops him, and an angry Yeonjun that walks into the room, surprised. 

Beomgyu has felt love before, but now quite like this. Now as he looks at Soobin who is now being scolded by Yeonjun for kissing Beomgyu so open, but Beomgyu just keeps a finger on his lips and giggles as he watches Soobin's pathetic face: letting Yeonjun yell at him. It's humorous when Soobin looks back at him pathetically and Beomgyu gives him a little pout only to laugh lightly and let Yeonjun keep scolding him. 

\- 

"I'm confused, Soobin." Beomgyu's voice is soft as ever, as he stares at Beomgyu from down on the ground next to Soobin's bed, where the taller boy sits. Soobin reaches out to hold onto Beomgyu's chin and tilt his head up to him, smiling.

"I am too. Let's be confused together?" Soobin leans his head slightly to the side, and smiles at Beomgyu the brightest smile he had ever seen, (also the most handsome but he won't give Soobin the satisfaction of knowing that). 

"Okay." Beomgyu replies, his voice so quiet it comes out in a whisper, but Soobin can still hear. He smiles loudly (if that's even possible) and picks up Beomgyu by his hips to spin him around in his arms. He laughs along with the sound of Beomgyu's soft laughter and looks into his eyes for a moment, and feels the entire world around him stop. 

Maybe it was the first moment he saw Beomgyu that he knew he was in love with him, a love at first sight sort of thing, or maybe it was months later or just recently when he came to accept this strange feeling to just kiss Beomgyu until his lips get swollen, Soobin dosent know. What he does know is that now in the entire world, Beomgyu is his top priority, his world. 

Beomgyu falls back onto Soobin's bottom bunk and feels his soft ugg brand blanket between his fingers and watches as Soobin walks across the room to grab a sweatshirt. He comes over to the bed next, and stares at Beomgyu for a few seconds: but as awkward as it should be it's quite the opposite. It's nice. 

"Hands up, please." Beomgyu complies gladly as Soobin slips his biggest shirt over Beomgyu after taking his other one on, and then takes his overgrown hair and ties it up with a spare hairband from Yeonjun to show a little sprout on top of his head, and Soobin thinks it's the most adorable thing in the entire world. 

Soobin swears if he didn't have the right regulation, he would just tackle and cuddle Beomgyu as tight as possible right now, and maybe he doesn't have that regulation because that's exactly what he does. 

"Hyung! What are you doing?" Beomgyu laughs as Soobin squishes him so tightly Beomgyu swears he can hear his bones crash but he loves it, because it's Soobin. It's Soobin and he can smell his masculine cologne and his soft muscles starting to pop out under neath his shirt, and because it's Soobin Beomgyu feels his face light up like a balloon color red, and lets Soobin tackle him with a million kisses. 

On his eyes, his nose, his cheeks, his ears, his neck and then his mouth where he leaves a small peck, not enough for them to make out because Soobin knows Beomgyu is tired, and then decides to lay down against the pillow of his bed, pulling Beomgyu down with him. 

Beomgyu lays on top of Beomgyu now, his head on his chest and their fingers laced together by their stomachs. Soobin kisses the crown of his head everyone once in a while while Beomgyu talks about his day to Soobin, and uses his little hands to explain every situation which Soobin wants to remember that moment in his head forever. The picture memory of Beomgyu acting cute in front of him might be one of Soobin's favorite memories of his entire life, or any moment with Beomgyu. 

— 

"When did you start you know... liking me?" Beomgyu asks Soobin one night when they stay up late. There's a drama playing on Soobin's computer in front of them, and Beomgyu sits between Soobin's legs with his back against his chest. It shocked Soobin for a moment with the sudden question, but he answers nether-less. 

"It's been a long time Beomgyu. But I think it happened the first moment I heard your voice." Beomgyu smiles into Soobin's chest while the other plays with his long hair, and kisses his neck every so often. 

— 

"I like Beomgyu." Soobin had expected him to be atleast a little bit more suprised, but Yeonjun stood still the entire time. It was strange, and Yeonjun was very strange but it was almost abnormal that Yeonjun didn't react to this. Instead, after a few moments he hears Yeonjun laugh. 

"No shit, Sherlock." He giggles into his phone while picking above it to look at Soobin's pathetic confused face. 

"My name is Soobin." Soobin replies Nonchalantly. 

"That's the joke you dumb shit." Yeonjun replies back, laughing so hard his hand is on his stomach. Then his mood changes like 360: 

"How long, Soobin?" He asks, his head tilting towards the other. 

"I'm not sure. He just lives in my mind all the time. He won't go away, even when I sleep." Soobin slaps his forehead and sighs loudly. He continues after a few moments: 

"I just soon accepted I liked him, but I've fucked up, and now I don't know what to do." 

"How about this Soobin, you try flirting with him and see where that goes." Yeonjun suggests, his eyebrow raise is seen as nothing in Soobin's eyes, but Yeonjun knows about his and Taehyun's scheme. 

"But Soobin, you can't be subtle so he thinks it's only fanservice, you have to do it behind the screens too." Yeonjun says, his hands sassily on his hips as he laughs at Soobin with an innocent face, completely unaware. 

"I'll trust your word, hyung." Soobin replies and puts his hands on Yeonjun's shoulder and nods at him. 

"You know Beomgyu, he will forgive you." Yeonjun says, and it's the truth. Beomgyu's heart is too big to never forgive. 

"You are right, Yeonjun, I know he will. The problem is getting him to like me back." Soobin sighs loudly, his face turns down on sadness but Yeonjun pats his back. 

"You never know, Soobin. Trust your gut, okay?" Yeonjun nods at him, a sign to show his support. 

"Okay." Soobin replies, and he's happy to have a friend like Yeonjun.   
— 

It's another normal day off in their dorm, and most of the members are sleeping. Yeonjun though, is up with Taehyun snapping photos of Beomgyu and Soobin who are currently curled up in eachother in Soobin's bottom bunk. 

Beomgyu's head is deep in Soobin's chest and his legs tangled with Soobin, so much it's almost like Beomgyu is sitting right on top of him. Soobin's hand is holding over Beomgyu's head as to keep him in place or keep him from harm. His other hand is wrapped around Beomgyu's waist, and his face is buried in Beongyus fluffy brown hair. When he breathes Beomgyu's hair slightly lifts up and down, and Yeonjun finds that to be the most adorable thing in the entire world. 

The sun shines through the living room later on that day. Soobin is up now, playing games with Yeonjun and Taehyun; all of them quite focused on their game. Kai sits on the ground in front of them and Beomgyu lays on the ground groaning in boredom from this day's lazy activities. He tried to get Beomgyu to do something with him today, but he had already promised he would play games with Taehyun all day. 

Beomgyu had an idea. He tapped on Kai's shoulder and raised his eyebrows twice: a signal that he was going to do something that would probably cause havoc like he always did, and Kai sighed but nodded anyway, letting Beomgyu do what he needed. 

Beomgyu slyly smirked at Kai before standing up and going over to where Soobin was sitting on the sofa, and decided to sit right in Soobin's lap, his head facing his boyfriends. He tucks his head inside of Soobin's neck, kissing it softly when he makes contact and he feels Soobin chuckle through his chest and use his free hand to rub up and down his back softly. 

He can also he the annoyed sighs of his members around him, but Beomgyu dosent care. In this moment all he can see is Soobin, and the love he has for him. It's quite a special feeling to him, and Beomgyu loves it. Sure, Soobin loves his game but he loves Beomgyu more- and Beomgyu know this when he feels Soobin kiss the side of his head softly while playing his game, risking his characters life. 

It's makes Taehyun upset when they lose but Soobin just laughs while holding both of Beomgyu's hands in his own bigger ones, soothing along his fingers, smiling softly at Beomgyu soft breaths on his neck. It's cute. 

— 

Practice on Tuesday went from 8am to 11pm at night. To say the boys where all exhausted was not an exaggeration. Taehyun looked like he was about to pass out on the ground, and Soobin stands behind him with his hand on his head to keep him stable. Yeonjun sits on the sofa in the corner of his room, on his phone probably looking at comments and random things he likes. Kai lays flat on the ground, with his hands waving in the air, complaining to Yeonjun (probably) about the choreography, and Yeonjun just sits and listens: or to hum every once in a while to voice is concern (?). 

Beomgyu, Soobin notices sits by the wall. He's watching their dance practice video they recorded only minutes ago probably criticizing every move he makes in the video. Soobin knows Beomgyu enough to know that he will stay here all night if he feels bad about his part of their dance, and as much as the others try to discourage this impulsive behavior Beomgyu generates, there is nothing they can do at all, truly. 

"Let's take it one more time, then go work separately, okay?" Soobin voices out, and gets a hum of replies from around the room. The only voice he dosent hear is Beomgyu's soft, angelic like voice laced with deep ness only when he's tired. Soobin notices the others get ready, and as he walks over to Beomgyu he sees the expression on his face that is enough to know Beomgyu is beating himself up. 

He taps on Beomgyu's head, softly. (Almost too softly if Yeonjun was judging, because Soobin is apparently whipped). Beomgyu looks up at him then, his face a new expression that Soobin was not used too. It's shameful, and upsetting. 

"Come on, Beomgyu-yah." Beongyu drops his phone by the mirror next to him and takes Soobin's hands stretched out in front of him to help him up out of his spot after his muscles had been aching all day long. Soobin dosent let go of his hand until he places Beomgyu in his beginning position of Drama, and they run it through one more time before parting ways. 

Soobin dosent miss the look on Beomgyu's face in the mirror while practicing, and he knows that inside of Beomgyu's pretty head that he is beating himself up greatly, so Soobin decides to stick around instead of going back to the dorms with Kai and Taehyun. 

Yeonjun also stays back in another studio to practice on his own, while Beomgyu stays in their normal studio. Soobin sits on the sofa in the corner, watching Beomgyu almost as if he was a guard as he writes every once in a while some lyrics inspiration he has. It's easy to Soobin to have inspiration while watching Beongyu dance. 

Maybe it's the way the youngers hair flaps so gracefully as he jumps up and down, or the determined look on Beomgyu's face when he strives for something, and never gives up. It could also be the way his shirt starts to reveal parts of his neck and collar bones and the shine of the dance studio light, or maybe it's just because Soobin is so wrapped up in Beomgyu that he is like this. 

The clock on his phone says 1am. Soobin realizes that maybe he spent too much time staring at Beomgyu. 

"Beomgyu? It's time to go home, I finished writing." He says softly, looking up from his phone again to Beomgyu, who now sits in the middle of the floor with his head in his hands and his cries could be heard from where Soobin is, he worries. 

"Beomgyu?" He says again, to make sure it wasn't some sort of prank. He knows it's not when Beomgyu starts to shake, his body reacting to his sad weeping is enough for this to happen. Soobin walks over slowly then: 

"Oh my god." He stops in front of Beomgyu and sits down in front of him. He takes his hand to Beomgyu's hair and soothes it back, while also checking the temperature on his head to notice he was hot. He can also feel the soak of his fingers from the tears that Beomgyu was producing. Soobin sighs. 

"Beomgyu, darling, come here." He scoots closer to where Beomgyu. Beomgyu looks up at him, his face pathetic and filled with tears but Soobin dosent care. He smiles softly as he wipes the tears from his lovers face and lifts Beomgyu up from the ground by placing his hands under his arms and carries him lightly over to the mirror. 

"Oh my baby, shh~ it's okay." He notices Beomgyu starts to cry more when they move, so Soobin sits against the mirror and puts Beomgyu in the middle of his legs, where he can rest his head against his chest and Soobin can stroke Beomgyu's soft, overgrown hair until he calms down. It's romantic, in a weird way that Soobin can feel his entire being crash down along with Beomgyu.

"What's wrong, my bear?" He said softly, his chin now on top of Beomgyu's head and his hands around his stomach, caressing it so softly to not threaten him but also comfort him, to let Beomgyu know Soobin is there with him, and will always be. It's even more romantic when Beomgyu lays his head back even more to where it's laying on Soobin's shoulder to look up at him with big innocent, but also tear filled eyes. The eyes that Soobin loves so much to see in time where he sees the passion fill Beomgyu's eyes so brightly, but are now crowded by sadness. 

"Soobin..." His voice is soft, slightly deep from crying and his tears are starting to be felt on Soobin's neck, but he dosent care. 

"Shh~ it's okay." Soobin turns him around, so that the two of them are chest and chest, and one of his arms is around Beomgyu's waist and the other stroking his hair as Beomgyu cries into his chest, he knows he will have to ask Taehyun to clean it later but that's least of his worries. 

"Soobin.. I feel like I'm letting down my mom. " Soobin's heart crashes along with Beomgyu, because he knows the least he'd ever want to do is disappoint his mother, and Beomgyu knows he knows, and that's enough for Soobin to understand, and that's what makes them so good for eachother. Clear understanding. 

"I-I feel like I'm letting down all of you." Soobin shakes his head, but knows there's not much he can do to change his boyfriends opinion except for holding him until he calms down, so instead he keeps letting him cry against his chest for as long as he can remember. 

"I know, baby, I know." 

—

With Soobin, now that the distance between Beomgyu and him is destroyed by their new desires, Beomgyu has never felt more un lonely in Seoul- with the one he loves most dearly by his side. The one who will always hold his hand when he is sad, and the one who will never let him see the bad of the world, the man who takes care of him and loves him so dearly. 

Maybe Beomgyu now understands the meaning of true love, but only after meeting Soobin. It's a feeling hard to understand by people who don't feel it themselves, but to Beomgyu you can say he's never felt so full in his entire life. Every time he sees Soobin there's a drop of his stomach and an ache in his heart, and tints of feathery blush on his cheeks. And beomgyu knows for sure, nobody has ever made him act this way- and that is what true love is to him. 

end.


End file.
